This post is my response to UTBT‘s  tag on fears. 

The title of the post has nothing to do with my fears. It has more to do with H’s fears. I think the one and only fear he has, the one which makes him shake in his boots, the one for which he breaks 101 coconuts to pillayar, the one which gives him the heejee beejees  is that no virus should attack his Wi-Fi router 🙂  He will do everything in his power to make sure that his first love stays safe and protected(Gah!). He has even named the  router “Scared of Virus”, that’s how scared he is!

Why this rant? you might ask dear reader. Wait a minute please for one nimit, coming right to the point! We have a townhome, with the rooms upstairs and the living/kitchen downstairs. Mr.H very graciously got me a wired connection(weird connection is more like it!)  for two reasons –

  1. I can work as in blog/read blogs/read funnies/read more blogs(you get the point!)  from downstairs. In case you are wondering, his study is precious and sacred and none of us are allowed to enter the study room.
  2. Also, with the wireless connection, even after securing it, he felt virus can worm their way in.   

Anyway, coming back to the point, this wired connection does not allow me free movement around the house. Ever tried baking, getting the recipe from the internet, running between the kitchen and living for every ingredient and quantity? Add two toddlers who love to change the page, bang on the keyboard, close the laptop to this mix! Its magic that the end product even seems edible at the end of such baking experiments.  So I have been meaning to ask Mr.Techno if I might use the wireless. Let us hope he grants me permission 🙂

So coming back to the tag, I asked myself the same question. No no, not wi-fi? But the same thing in sane english you see, Why Five? 

I am the female version of the Kamal Hasan enacted “Tenali”. I am scared of everything, it has taken me 30 years to outgrow some of my fears like sleeping alone, going out in the dark, talking to people etc.  I am still scared of creepy crawlies, cockroaches, lizards, rats  and many others. To me, these are all valid fears, so there!

However, if I were to just list five of my fears, the ones that make me shake in my boots, the ones for which I would break 101 coconuts to pillayar, the ones that give me the heejee beejees, then this would be the list. For each one on this list, I found solace in one book – ‘The five people you meet in heaven’ by Mitch Albom.  I purchased this book in 2004 and have read it atleast a dozen times since. Each time I have gained something new from this book.  

  1.  I love being around people. More the merrier is the motto I go by most of the times. I married H taking into consideration his huge relative circle. It is so much fun when all the cousins get together. He ofcourse is under the illusion that his super good looks had something to do with it 🙂  Right now, I am surrounded by so many people that I love and love me. But, I fear the day, I have to be alone.  The blue man’s words – “The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone” , however, comes to mind and hopefully I will remember these words and do something useful should I end up being alone.
  2. I have been blessed  to lead life on my own terms, till now. I have never had to sacrifice anything. I fear the day I have to sacrifice for family/friends. I hope I have the strength to sacrifice without feeling bitter about it.  The captian’s words comes to mind – “Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you are not really losing it. You are just passing it on to someone else”
  3. This one is difficult for me to write, I hope I don’t get judged.  I fear forgiving someone. I feel if I let loose, I will be taken for a ride again and this makes me want to hold onto grudges. This attitude has backfired many-a-times, but with time these relationships have slowly healed. I am learning to forgive, learning to let go and Ruby’s words helped me a great deal in this – “Holding anger is a poison. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Forgive, Edward, Forgive. “
  4. I fear the loss of my loved ones. I don’t think I can face it were I to lose even one person in my immediate family.  However, Marguerite’s words threw a new light on this fear of mine. She says ” Lost love is still love Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food … But when those senses weaker, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner.” I hope if I were to ever lose a loved one(knock on wood), I get the strength to recollect the happy memories and enjoy them.
  5. Prior to becoming a SAHM, I had a good job, keeping in line with my studies and it kept me up-to-date mostly with the functional aspects of the Pharma industry.  After taking a break, I went through periods of self worth estimation and the estimates came up pretty low! I feared getting back  into the s/w industry after being with the kids for a couple of years.   During one such soul searching reading sessions, the last chapter of the book where Eddie says “I am sad because I didn’t do anything with my life. I was nothing. I accomplished nothing. I was lost. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there”, the words rang so true to me.  The only answer he gets from Tala(the kid he accidentaly kills during war) is ” Supposed to be there, at Ruby pier. You keep children safe” . Sometimes even if we take a step with the best intentions, our fears and reservations take over and we end up with a lot of self doubt. But if we continue on our chosen path and be at it with grit and determination, everything will fall into place and we will be where we are destined to be.   I realized once again, that I was doing this for my kids and that gave me the much needed clarity!

That’s my list. As part of the tag, I am supposed to tag five other bloggers. But I’m afraid of tagging only five. So dear readers, can you all please take up the tag? Feel free to use the comment space to list your five.  Please do humour me 🙂


PS – To read up more about this tag, do visit Sandhya’s blog and check this post out.



  1. ambulisamma said,

    July 29, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Ditto on No1 and 5 and creepy crawlies,and female version of tenali hassan.
    No.3 sometimes not usually.
    On no.2 have you not sacrificed sleep with your kids? and sacrificing a comfy Wi-fi connection?

  2. rrmom said,

    July 29, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Nice read. We all have fears for different things but don’t know it till faced with the situation. I did a post on this couple of days ago.

    • Shankari said,

      July 29, 2010 at 6:46 pm

      Yep, that is so true. Can you please take up the tag, would love to read your take of it.

  3. utbtkids said,

    July 29, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Good one S. Thanks for taking it up.

  4. starsinmeyes said,

    July 29, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    This was hilarious….soooooo well-written, you gave me a much-needed chuckle…no, not at your fears, never fear, but at the first part of your post.

    Esp love the philosophy in point 5. And my, what deep, soulsearing quotes.

    Again…loved this post.

    • Shankari said,

      July 29, 2010 at 6:48 pm

      Hey, if my fears gave you a chuckle, I would be perfectly okay with that too 🙂 That book is amazing, I love both this and “Tuesdays with Morrie”. Very philosophical.

  5. PV said,

    July 29, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Every word shouts “genuine, heartfelt, real” – almost felt like you were sitting next to me and speaking the words

    • Shankari said,

      July 29, 2010 at 6:55 pm

      and to think that I was paranoid about doing this tag, lest I appear flippant about a serious subject! Thanks for your appreciation PV. I definitely do wish you were nearby, for your words and also the Tamfood 🙂

  6. Priya said,

    July 30, 2010 at 5:39 am

    hehe.. female version of the Kamal Hasan enacted “Tenali” 😀
    Very well written Shankari! The fears and also the ways to tackle them. So in fact you dont have to fear anything!! Loved the quotes that go with each point.

    • Shankari said,

      July 30, 2010 at 9:32 am

      Thanks Priya 🙂 I like the way you are looking at this glass 🙂 I only have the book with me, yet to practice those sayings in a way to overcome the fears!

  7. sandhya said,

    July 30, 2010 at 5:39 am

    Wow! What a wonderful and original take on the tag! I had read Mitch Albom’s book when it had been published. I must go search for the copy I fear is somewhere in the mess that is my collection of books. Should read it again. And could I suggest a post of mine on forgiveness?http://sandhyaryal.blogspot.com/2010/05/when-quality-of-mercy-got-bit-strained.html
    Thanks for taking up the tag.

    • Shankari said,

      July 30, 2010 at 9:34 am

      Thanks Sandhya 🙂 When I come to Bangalore this year end, your house for books and Art’s house for the art is all I’m going to want to see 🙂

  8. Saritha said,

    July 30, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Loved the tag.Of the 5 u listed 1 and 5 i can relate to myself.Till now i never lived alone in the house even for a day.Before marriage it was mom,then husband and now kids.
    “But if we continue on our chosen path and be at it with grit and determination, everything will fall into place and we will be where we are destined to be. I realized once again, that I was doing this for my kids and that gave me the much needed clarity!” loved these lines.

    I always feel i should forgive but maybe my ego comes in between and doesn’t allows me to do it and i also don’t expect the other person to say sorry to me.

    • Shankari said,

      July 30, 2010 at 2:24 pm

      Thanks Saritha. I guess forgiving is an effort to most of us. If we were to forgive very easily, then we would all be saints!

  9. Pooh! said,

    July 31, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Life without wi-fi I cannot believe it!! I totally agree with you on point 3.

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